Post by vidguysteve on May 2, 2008 21:49:57 GMT -5
LOBO!!!
I swear to God, I think that this guy could kick Chuck Norris's Texas-Walkin' ass as a hobby, as he does with several other things.
The guy is unkillable because he's been - in the most literal sense of the term - been rejected by both heaven and hell and barred from ever returning to either.
Here's his origin:
Here's the Wikipedia article on him, with some of the better parts bolded.
Lobo is a Czarnian (originally a Velorpian in the Omega Men series) with exceptional strength and fortitude. He enjoys nothing better than mindless violence and intoxication. Killing is an end in itself; his name is Khundian for "he who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it." He is also arrogant and self-centered, focusing almost solely on his own pleasures, although he proudly lives up to his word -- but exactly his word: no more or no less than what he promised. Lobo is the last of his kind, having committed complete genocide by killing all the other Czarnians for fun (as originally written, Psions had exterminated his race, but after the Crisis on Infinite Earths, this was retconned). As detailed in Lobo #0, Lobo unleashed a violent plague upon his homeworld, killing most of its citizens. In Superman: The Animated Series, Lobo nonchalantly tells Superman the fate of his race: "I'm the last Czarnian. I fragged the rest of the planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an A."
Lobo's friends include Dawg, a bulldog that he often claims isn't his when it gets into trouble; Jonas Glim, a fellow bounty hunter; and Ramona, a bail bondswoman/hairdresser. Dawg is stomped to death by Lobo in Lobo #58 in which he claims to Superman that the dog is not his (for the final time). His enemies include the do-gooder superhero parody Goldstar, Loo, Vril Dox, Bludhound, Etrigan the Demon, and General Glory. Lobo generally tries to kill anyone he's hired to capture, including his fourth-grade teacher named Miss Tribb, his children, Santa Claus, and Gawd. Simon Bisley's dark humor fits well within the pages of his artwork by having countless mutilations of background characters occurring in each panel.
Physically, Lobo resembles a chalk-white human male with blood-red pupilless eyes surrounded by black mascara-like patches. Like many comic book characters, Lobo's body is highly muscular. Although he was originally portrayed as having neatly trimmed purple-grey hair, this was soon redesigned to be a long, straggly, grey-black mane, and more recently into dreadlocks. Similarly, the orange-and-purple leotard he wore in his first few appearances has long since been replaced by black leather biker gear, which more recently has been replaced with both the robes of his office -- as putative Archbishop of the Church of the Triple-Fish God -- and seemingly pirate-inspired gear. His arsenal includes numerous guns and a chain with a hook on his right arm. Extra weapons may include "frag grenades" and giant carving blades.
In addition to his ever-present lust for violence, Lobo also has a strict personal code of honor -- he will never violate the letter of an agreement, although he may gleefully disregard its spirit. Also, he is surprisingly protective of space dolphins, some of which he feeds from his home. A few have been killed in separate incidents, which he avenges with his usual violence.
Lobo frequents the business of Al, a rotund diner operator, where he frequently flirts with Al's only waitress, Darlene. Though Lobo protects these two from any harm, the danger of which is frequent, he doesn't seem to understand the distress caused by his tendency to destroy the diner. Al and Darlene later prosper due to Lobo's appetite for destruction; he destroys the city, except for the diner, leaving hordes of construction workers only one place to eat lunch. He also ends up destroying a diner Al gives to him as part of a birthday celebration.
The last of the relation of Lobo and the diner appears to be in the pages of Lobo One Million, where his last adventure is depicted. By the time of the action, he's already morbidly obese and working as a carnival attraction, scaring tourists into leaving their money behind. Then, a sexy client appears to offer him a last job: to find a legendary evildoer named Malo Perverso. At the prospect of a last well-paid job and a chance to score with the client, Lobo quickly agrees, and again invades the diner to use their Tesseract teleporter to reach his gear. It is revealed then than the "client" is none other than Darlene, who wanted to see him back in his prime rather than see him sink even deeper in his fat. After reaching his gear, Lobo invades the HQ of the JLWB (Justice League of Wannabes) and crushes all opposition in order to hack their files on Malo Perverso. There, he is attacked by Perverso himself, who then reveals himself to be Clayman, the team's shapeshifter, who admits he impersonated Perverso to get rid of Lobo. Clayman also squeals where the real Perverso went: into a black hole. Lobo, still eager to find his bounty, goes into the black hole. Ironically, due to Lobo's interference in a planetary conflict in the same issue, Al later gets a package through Tesseract for Lobo-which promptly blows the diner up yet again.
At one point, Lobo has trouble with a clone of himself that had survived previous misadventures. A battle between the two makes it unclear which of them survived. Some fans conclude that the original Lobo was the victor, since later in the series, Lobo removes a miniature radio which he had surgically implanted in his head some time before the clone fight, and only organic matter can be cloned.
The character has participated in several money-making schemes, such as being a priest and being a pop-rock idol. Most of these schemes tend to end with the violent deaths of nearly everyone involved. He has many friends among the bounty hunter world, though many tend to die around Lobo, either by his hand or at the hands of enemies he faces.
Further supporting my claim, is none other than Maddox, the creator of the best page in the universe!
What they really need to do is make a movie about the greatest comic book character of all time: Lobo. Not many people are familiar with Lobo because most people are lame and can't comprehend how much ass Lobo kicks. For example, the cover on the right depicts Lobo (also known as "the main man") kicking Santa's ass. Santa did something to piss Lobo off (or nothing, it makes no difference), and Lobo RUINED HIS SH!T. Lobo is a mean son of a b!tch and doesn't take sh!t from anyone. If they made a movie about Lobo, it would start out with Lobo just sitting around looking at porn and minding his own business when some lame-ass comes by and starts nerding all over the place. Lobo takes his knife out and disembowels the guy while he's just standing there. The guy would start screaming because he's a pussy, then Lobo would reach down and rip the guy's lungs out. The rest of the movie would be mostly filled with Lobo wiping out villages of people, yelling at hospital patients and head-butting mimes. Lobo could kick any superhero's ass and it's high time he had his own movie.
Here's Lobo kicking the sh*t out of Superman in his own show.
youtube.com/watch?v=h5LCOAcGR0k&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=iHZXKEmQAwM&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=tqTl8jXtxcU&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=APfVit5xGdo&feature=related
(HE RIPS ITS FREAKING SKIN OFF!)
Finally, here's The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special, in which the Easter Bunny hires Lobo to kill Santa.
youtube.com/watch?v=pEIkuIYJGtM
youtube.com/watch?v=1YTwCTjy3RY&feature=related
So there you go. Lobo is the most badass being to ever exist. Greatest? Maybe. But you can't watch and read all of this without being in awe of the Main Man.
I swear to God, I think that this guy could kick Chuck Norris's Texas-Walkin' ass as a hobby, as he does with several other things.
The guy is unkillable because he's been - in the most literal sense of the term - been rejected by both heaven and hell and barred from ever returning to either.
Here's his origin:
Here's the Wikipedia article on him, with some of the better parts bolded.
Lobo is a Czarnian (originally a Velorpian in the Omega Men series) with exceptional strength and fortitude. He enjoys nothing better than mindless violence and intoxication. Killing is an end in itself; his name is Khundian for "he who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it." He is also arrogant and self-centered, focusing almost solely on his own pleasures, although he proudly lives up to his word -- but exactly his word: no more or no less than what he promised. Lobo is the last of his kind, having committed complete genocide by killing all the other Czarnians for fun (as originally written, Psions had exterminated his race, but after the Crisis on Infinite Earths, this was retconned). As detailed in Lobo #0, Lobo unleashed a violent plague upon his homeworld, killing most of its citizens. In Superman: The Animated Series, Lobo nonchalantly tells Superman the fate of his race: "I'm the last Czarnian. I fragged the rest of the planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an A."
Lobo's friends include Dawg, a bulldog that he often claims isn't his when it gets into trouble; Jonas Glim, a fellow bounty hunter; and Ramona, a bail bondswoman/hairdresser. Dawg is stomped to death by Lobo in Lobo #58 in which he claims to Superman that the dog is not his (for the final time). His enemies include the do-gooder superhero parody Goldstar, Loo, Vril Dox, Bludhound, Etrigan the Demon, and General Glory. Lobo generally tries to kill anyone he's hired to capture, including his fourth-grade teacher named Miss Tribb, his children, Santa Claus, and Gawd. Simon Bisley's dark humor fits well within the pages of his artwork by having countless mutilations of background characters occurring in each panel.
Physically, Lobo resembles a chalk-white human male with blood-red pupilless eyes surrounded by black mascara-like patches. Like many comic book characters, Lobo's body is highly muscular. Although he was originally portrayed as having neatly trimmed purple-grey hair, this was soon redesigned to be a long, straggly, grey-black mane, and more recently into dreadlocks. Similarly, the orange-and-purple leotard he wore in his first few appearances has long since been replaced by black leather biker gear, which more recently has been replaced with both the robes of his office -- as putative Archbishop of the Church of the Triple-Fish God -- and seemingly pirate-inspired gear. His arsenal includes numerous guns and a chain with a hook on his right arm. Extra weapons may include "frag grenades" and giant carving blades.
In addition to his ever-present lust for violence, Lobo also has a strict personal code of honor -- he will never violate the letter of an agreement, although he may gleefully disregard its spirit. Also, he is surprisingly protective of space dolphins, some of which he feeds from his home. A few have been killed in separate incidents, which he avenges with his usual violence.
Lobo frequents the business of Al, a rotund diner operator, where he frequently flirts with Al's only waitress, Darlene. Though Lobo protects these two from any harm, the danger of which is frequent, he doesn't seem to understand the distress caused by his tendency to destroy the diner. Al and Darlene later prosper due to Lobo's appetite for destruction; he destroys the city, except for the diner, leaving hordes of construction workers only one place to eat lunch. He also ends up destroying a diner Al gives to him as part of a birthday celebration.
The last of the relation of Lobo and the diner appears to be in the pages of Lobo One Million, where his last adventure is depicted. By the time of the action, he's already morbidly obese and working as a carnival attraction, scaring tourists into leaving their money behind. Then, a sexy client appears to offer him a last job: to find a legendary evildoer named Malo Perverso. At the prospect of a last well-paid job and a chance to score with the client, Lobo quickly agrees, and again invades the diner to use their Tesseract teleporter to reach his gear. It is revealed then than the "client" is none other than Darlene, who wanted to see him back in his prime rather than see him sink even deeper in his fat. After reaching his gear, Lobo invades the HQ of the JLWB (Justice League of Wannabes) and crushes all opposition in order to hack their files on Malo Perverso. There, he is attacked by Perverso himself, who then reveals himself to be Clayman, the team's shapeshifter, who admits he impersonated Perverso to get rid of Lobo. Clayman also squeals where the real Perverso went: into a black hole. Lobo, still eager to find his bounty, goes into the black hole. Ironically, due to Lobo's interference in a planetary conflict in the same issue, Al later gets a package through Tesseract for Lobo-which promptly blows the diner up yet again.
At one point, Lobo has trouble with a clone of himself that had survived previous misadventures. A battle between the two makes it unclear which of them survived. Some fans conclude that the original Lobo was the victor, since later in the series, Lobo removes a miniature radio which he had surgically implanted in his head some time before the clone fight, and only organic matter can be cloned.
The character has participated in several money-making schemes, such as being a priest and being a pop-rock idol. Most of these schemes tend to end with the violent deaths of nearly everyone involved. He has many friends among the bounty hunter world, though many tend to die around Lobo, either by his hand or at the hands of enemies he faces.
Further supporting my claim, is none other than Maddox, the creator of the best page in the universe!
What they really need to do is make a movie about the greatest comic book character of all time: Lobo. Not many people are familiar with Lobo because most people are lame and can't comprehend how much ass Lobo kicks. For example, the cover on the right depicts Lobo (also known as "the main man") kicking Santa's ass. Santa did something to piss Lobo off (or nothing, it makes no difference), and Lobo RUINED HIS SH!T. Lobo is a mean son of a b!tch and doesn't take sh!t from anyone. If they made a movie about Lobo, it would start out with Lobo just sitting around looking at porn and minding his own business when some lame-ass comes by and starts nerding all over the place. Lobo takes his knife out and disembowels the guy while he's just standing there. The guy would start screaming because he's a pussy, then Lobo would reach down and rip the guy's lungs out. The rest of the movie would be mostly filled with Lobo wiping out villages of people, yelling at hospital patients and head-butting mimes. Lobo could kick any superhero's ass and it's high time he had his own movie.
Here's Lobo kicking the sh*t out of Superman in his own show.
youtube.com/watch?v=h5LCOAcGR0k&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=iHZXKEmQAwM&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=tqTl8jXtxcU&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=APfVit5xGdo&feature=related
(HE RIPS ITS FREAKING SKIN OFF!)
Finally, here's The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special, in which the Easter Bunny hires Lobo to kill Santa.
youtube.com/watch?v=pEIkuIYJGtM
youtube.com/watch?v=1YTwCTjy3RY&feature=related
So there you go. Lobo is the most badass being to ever exist. Greatest? Maybe. But you can't watch and read all of this without being in awe of the Main Man.