Post by vidguysteve on Jun 27, 2008 20:27:47 GMT -5
The Plan to Eradicate the Star Spirits:- Part 1: The Complete Moron
It was a cold, quiet night in Star Haven, the norm for the home of the Star Spirits. Star Kids floated and played in the streets, soldiers practiced their forms, and Masstar watched over the entire floating island. Smirking, the General leaned back in his throne and closed his eyes. Such a beautiful place his home was, completely unscarred or defiled since Bowser’s invasion many years ago.
“Truly we are quite a force to fear; not even those Bean folk dare to attack us,” Masstar boasted to no one in particular. Due to his paranoia and distrust of others, feeling safe helped him to relax.
“The very thought of Star Haven coming under siege. Ridiculous! Only a complete moron would try such a bold feat!” Chuckling, Masstar’s heavy eyelids shut tight, and the ancient star snored softly as he dreamt of his next plan.
Unfortunately, Masstar was completely correct. The Beanbean Bandits had long yearned to attack the Star Spirits, however knew that their fortress would be nearly impossible to infiltrate. They had considered hiring a Mercenary to do the dirty work for them, but Mr. L’s prices were always too steep and he was never available. So, imagine their glee when the answer to their problems arrived in the form of a little green man.
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“Bleaaahaaahaaahaaa! This mission will be a simple feat, GIR. Especially one for the amazing ZIM!”
Yeah, a complete moron was going to attack.
Zim laughed obnoxiously, overconfident and over amused with the idea of bringing complete destruction to a whole new, unknown species.
“Alright, GIR, we’re here! We’re finally here!” Zim turned to his robotic sidekick, who was busy amusing himself by slamming a tin can on his head.
“Your job is easy, GIR. You just stay in the VOOT and don’t move unless I give you an order. Understand?”
“I’S GON’ FLAH!”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Zim opened the windshield of the new VOOT Cruiser and activated his Air Bubble. With a small jet extending from his PAK, Zim began to slowly float upwards towards the rear of Star Haven. A thin extension came out of the PAK, displaying a holographic image of Star Haven.
“Fools! Whatever they try shall never work against the brilliance of ZIM!”
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Kalmar was meditating in his quarters, when a disturbing image flashed across his mind. Zipping through the door, Kalmar headed for Masstar’s throne room. Upon arrival, Kalmar called out his leader’s name trying to wake him.
Masstar awoke with a start, babbling loudly and swinging the Star Rod around like a club. Kalmar floated and ducked underneath and around the powerful artifact and shook his frightened leader.
”Alright, wha-what’s going on?”
“Masstar, there is a small force of… bizarre creatures heading towards Star Haven, the likes of which I’ve never seen before!”
“Really? Like what?”
“There’s a hundred-foot hamster with Godzilla spikes.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, are they hostile?”
“They’ve been shouting things like ‘Capture the Star Spirits! Their powers won’t work on us, we can nullify them! Kill them all!’ the whole way up the path, so I’m going to make a guess and say yes.”
“Well, the barrier should hold long enough for the turrets to take care of them. However, in case they do manage to break in through some miracle, have the other Star Spirits moved to the Temple where they’ll be safe. It seems like a growing number of enemies are mastering the ability to nullify Artifacts, and I don’t like the idea of an army that can marching after our Captains.”
“Yes, Masstar,” Kalmar bowed and floated down to round up the other Star and Ztar Spirits and tell them the orders.
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10,000 troops and one XXXXXL hamster marched up the spiraling bridge to Star Haven’s Main Gate. Things had been gone just as they predicted; the Star Spirits would keep their troops in reserve, waiting for them to wear themselves out trying to destroy the barrier as they came under fire from the Starlight Cannons. Most wouldn’t be too confident, knowing that they’d be easily defeated even if they could destroy the barrier, but Zim’s troops didn’t need confidence; they had orders from their commander, and that was all there was to it.
At long last they reached the end of the bridge and came face-to-face with the large barrier surrounding the base, and almost immediately the Starlight Cannons began to fire at the robots and genetic freaks. Death Bees, in response, began to swarm the turrets, flying in a constantly moving, swarming pattern to avoid as many casualties as possible, all the while with a happy “la-la-la” noise following them. The Starlight Cannon managed to tag a few of the yellow and black striped attackers, but as soon as the swarm of almost 1000 Death Bees reached the weapon, it was reduced to complete scrap in a fiery explosion. Pausing for a moment, the bees all turned around and began to fly indifferently back to the others.
Meanwhile, the other troops had split their focus, with most of the troops focusing on the barrier, while the rest aimed at the other Starlight Cannon nearby. SIRs and Mini Moose had done some damage, but hadn’t made enough progress. The robots and moose all began to back away from the turret, giving it a larger berth. A loud roar cut through the air as a massive beam of pure energy erupted from Ultra Peepi’s mouth, completely demolishing it.
With the full force of the remaining troops concentrating on weakening the barrier, the troops were making excellent progress on fulfilling their mission. After a few more minutes of uninterrupted attack on the barrier, the troops had achieved their goal. They didn’t destroy the barrier, they did, however, cause a quick flash where the barrier deactivated, if only for a second.
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This small opening was all the time Zim needed, as he leaped within the borders of Star Haven, grinning deviously. Flattening himself against the back of a nearby building, Zim extended the holographic display of the base. A red dot labeled “You are Zim” was on the very edge of the base. Moving his finger around, scanning the map, Zim spotted a very small blue dot. Retracting the map, Zim checked around a corner and made a dash down the road, taking cover behind buildings and fountains to avoid detection.
“Sorry, stink worms! But you’ll have to wait a bit longer before your doom at the Zim hands of ZIM!”
Sadly, screaming was NOT a good way to avoid detection, and a small platoon of Compact Stars immediately took notice and began to give chase. Panicking, Zim ran towards the nearest building he saw and ran inside, slamming the door behind him. The Compact Stars cautiously followed the Invader into the building, which was rather poorly lit. The Stars slowly looked around the room, checking for any sign of movement or activity, but when the sound of rusty hinges groaning and the sound of a door latching shut filled the room, coupled with all light in the building being extinguished, they began to frantically dart their eyes across the room, trying to find the attacker.
In seconds, they were dead.
A few minutes later, behind a pillar of the Star Spirit’s hiding spot, the Temple, a shadow wriggled and shook as two antennae attached to a grinning green head rose from the floor.
“Now, you smelly dirt Stars! Prepare to meet your doom!”
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Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
The Plan to Eradicate the Star Spirits:- Part 2: The Losses Begin
The 13 Star and Ztar Spirits were floating nervously in the temple. They had been ordered by Masstar to stay in the Temple to protect them from the intruders who claimed to be able to neutralize their powers, but even so a battle on their own territory had the Stars uneasy. But there was something about the whole situation that just made the Spirits feel nervous, but they just couldn’t place their… points on it.
“It’s crazy!” Muskular shouted suddenly, breaking the tense silence. “We used to be all-powerful! People freakin’ PRAYED to us! Ever since the Bowser incident, we’ve been put on the shelf like trophies to be collected! Our powers aren’t even any good any more now that every Toad with a special rock can cancel out an entire set of ‘Artifacts!’ That’s what they’re calling us now! We’re not even people, just ancient trinkets to be waved around like freakin’ Catch Cards!”
Destroyar floated over to his opposite and patted his shoulder silently before floating back to his place.
“It’s true, as of late we DO seem to be treated more like objects than actual living creatures…” Mamar began, a little disappointed with admitting the truth.
“… But perhaps that fault lies with the other creatures who want us only for our powers,” Movar finished.
“That, and you’re all incredibly valuable.”
“Really? Well, I never thought about tha- WHAT?!”
The Stars all turned their heads to face a bizarre green creature standing poised as though he was preparing to pounce. Before any could react, Zim extended his four Spider Legs and shot them at the nearest Spirits, being Eldstar, Kalmar, Zappar, and Thinkar, pinning them against the wall as they struggled in vain to break free.
Grinning deviously, Zim turned his head to face the other Spirits, frozen and torn between what action they should take.
“Do not even TRY to try to do something, filthy floating pig smellies!” Zim called, eyeing each of the Spirits. “Right now these four are only pinned, however should any one of you try to oppose the mighty Zim, I’ll be sure to run through them like Star-kabobs.”
To emphasize his point, Zim began to slowly apply slight pressure on the trapped Stars, causing a small trickle of blood to run down their chests.
”However, since ZIM is not only powerful, but generous, I shall give you an offer: If you wish to save these four, four of you must stand before Zim and be trapped in these…” Zim held up a few blank Tarot Cards in his hand. “If you comply, I shall leave immediately and take my troops with me, you have Zim’s word!”
Zim gave his cheesiest smile possible, while behind his back he was crossing his black-gloved fingers.
“So… what will it be…? Surrender yourselves to the AWESOME MIGHT OF ZIM?! Or watch in helplessness as your pathetic allies are killed?”
All the Spirits in the room floated tentatively, unsure of what move to make at this point. Klevar began to close his eyes and breathe deeply, relaxing his body and mind and tapping into an ever-so-small amount of his Telepathic powers.
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Floating high above Star Haven, watching the troops slam against the barrier, Masstar watched with slight puzzlement.
”What are they doing…? It’s almost as if they’ve begun to slow their attacks… But why- What’s hunh?” Masstar’s thoughts were interrupted as he received a telepathic message from Klevar. For some reason, it had no content or message; however the tone of the thought wave seemed urgent, as if there was some great danger.
Knowing instinctively what to do, Masstar sent a message to Geno, who had been awaiting orders. Understanding his mission, the living puppet ran for the Temple where the endangered Spirits waited.
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“Enough of this!” Muskular blurted. “I’m not going to sit by and listen to threats! You’re going DOWN, Space Boy! Take this!” Muskular prepared to use his powers of Psychometabolism to attack Zim, but when he came to use the attack, he found himself completely unable to.
”Wha-? What is this?!”
”Heh heh ha ha ha ha HA HA AH! Fool! You have no idea of the POWER you’re dealing with! And now for your insubordination, you pay a price!”
With a horrible scream and the sound of bones and muscle tissue being ripped through, Kalmar fell to the floor, dead.
“NOW, I shall give you one last chance… FIVE of you shall give yourselves to ZIM, in exchange for the safe release of these three.”
“YOU MONSTER!” Eldstar roared.
“SILENCE!”
And with that, the wise and noble Eldstar followed the path of Kalmar, killed by the hands of the Irken Invader.
”NOW, I hope you understand the situation that you’re currently in. SIX of you shall surrender to me, and you may live.”
”Wha… What have you done to us?! Why is it that we’re unable to use our powers?!”
“That would be me, see?”
Zim’s shadow began to wriggle and rise as it took the shape of none other than Shadow Thief Popple.
”That’s right, in the flesh! In a manner of speakin’. I’m one of Popple’s Shadow Split clones, and to answer your question…” The Shadow Popple wiggled his bag mischievously. “I got two friends in here that are doing the job, see?”
The bag opened up, and two figures rose from the bag with an all-too-familiar “Eeeyah ha ha ha!”
”CACKLETTA!” The shocked Stars shouted.
”Of course, who else but the heathenish Beanbeans would stage such a plot?” Klevar thought out loud, scowling at the green team.
”Yes, and I do have to thank you for this victory, Ztar Spirits! If it were not for your Ztar Rod being fused to my heart and it’s little ability to cancel out Artifacts within a nearby area, this whole plan would have been a flop!”
The Ztar Spirits all gritted their teeth in frustration, but too worried of what another outburst could do to Zappar and Thinkar.
”Tell me…” The two Cackletta clones mused in eerie harmony. “How does it feel to know that your own tool will be the pivotal piece in your own undoing? Does it sting, worms? Eeeyah ha ha ha ha!”
The two Cacklettas returned to the Popple Clone’s bag and he in turn receded back into Zim’s shadow.
“Now, I hope you have a better idea of the situation you’re in right now. And if you’re still too hesitant to simply surrender then…” Zim motioned to the lifeless masses of Eldstar and Kalmar, their bright glow completely extinguished.
“So, seven of you shall come with Zim now, yes?”
“NO!”
“Who dares?!”
Zim turned in time to see a wooden puppet dressed in blue jump through the air and kick him in the face, sending the surprised Irken into an opposite wall and freeing Zappar and Thinkar.
“Quickly! Flee while you have the chance!” Geno called to the captives, as they quickly began to follow his command, heading for the exit of the room.
“WAIT!” Zim shouted as he leaped in front of the door, blocking the Star Spirits’ escape. “Don’t you want to watch some Earth Broadcasting before you go?” Zim inquired persuasively, setting down a 24-inch TV screen, which revealed a repeating image of a rather hideous monkey staring directly at the camera, growling occasionally.
”Wow!” “Look at that!” “I could watch this all day!” “He’s so angry!” “We need snacks!” Were among the mixed comments from the Spirits as they huddled around to watch the p’o’ed primate. Geno growled, watching the Star Spirits be so easily distracted by such a simple trick.
“That… HORRIBLE monkey! You’re not going to get away with this!” Geno charged at Zim who had at that time took out a small gun, and fired a few neon-green rays at Geno. The Star Warrior nimbly dodged, and jumped a distance away from Zim.
Geno dashed towards Zim who again fired his ray gun, this time only narrowly missing the wooden warrior. Taking the opening, Geno grabbed Zim by the collar and slammed him into a wall, holding him down as he began to apply more and more force, causing the indent in the wall to increase.
“How do you like it?” Geno taunted, his eyes burning into Zim. Zim weakly lifted his gun and pressed it against Geno’s chest, firing at point blank, before laughing maniacally.
Geno watched in shock as Zim broke out of his grip and slid around him with incredible speed, and then unleashed a barrage of punches that he couldn’t even keep track of. Doubling over in pain, Geno gripped his stomach, as Zim put his fists together and swung his hands down and up, connecting with Geno’s face and sending him into the air. Once he was airborne, Zim began to fire rapid-fire Leg Lasers at the puppet, tearing through his clothes and causing Geno to recoil and flinch with each beam.
‘This is insane! How is he able to move this quickly?’ Geno thought as he flew through the air. However, before he even landed, Zim was already in position to grab Geno by the head and throw him into the ground. Geno slowly opened his eyes and looked at his arms in front of them, and noticed a strange thing: His arms were glowing green. In fact, his entire body was.
‘That’s it! It’s not him, it’s me! That laser! It must have done something to effect the rate that I travel through time! Well, I can fix THAT!’
Geno slowly opened his wooden mouth as he began to emit a low, distorted sound which apparently was him talking… in slooooooow mooooootiooooon!
“EEEEEESSSSSSUUUUUUNNNNNN-“ But before Geno could finish his incantation to increase his speed, Zim quickly shoved a Piggy Bomb on his face and detonated it, causing the warrior to pass out. As he lay unconscious on the floor, his green glow faded. Zim extended his Spider Legs and towered over his defeated foe, boasting victoriously.
“I’ll be back to deal with you in a moment, sad little tree child. But first, I have more pressing matters that require my AMAZING attention…” Zim turned to the Star Spirits, still too distracted to notice anything going on around them. Zim pulled out a Tarot Card and quickly slammed Mamar into it, the others still unaware of their dire situation.
”Like picking Valaxtrian Ticks off the back of the Slow-Witted-GaSPLEEGaSPLORCH!” Zim boasted, slipping the card into the Shadow Clone’s bag. Inside the bag, one of the Cackletta clones transformed into Count Cleckletta and sent the Mamar Card into the Null and Void Dimension.
“Three down…”
”Ten to go! Eeeyah ha ha ha!”
Part 2 Casualties:-
Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
Eldstar
Kalmar
Loot:-
Zim:-
Mamar Card
Part 1 Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
The Plan to Eradicate the Star Spirits:- Part 3: Success?!?
Masstar had been floating over Star Haven, pondering how he should handle the attack and what other means he should take to repel the intruder. Mulling over the best choice of action for a few moments, Masstar had what seemed like a perfect idea! Grinning, Masstar blasted off towards the Temple where the Star Spirits were held captive.
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Zim eyed the Star Spirits in the room still huddled around, contemplating which he should capture next. “Now… Which one of you wants Zim to spare you from a slow and agonizing doom first?”
The Spirits were still completely unaware of anything going on around them, still completely mesmerized by the scowling monkey on the television screen.
Geno, laying on the floor, slowly stirred and looked up to see Zim slowly advancing towards Misstar. ‘I need… to protect… the Star Spirits… It’s my duty!’
”GET AWAY FROM THEM!” Geno shouted, leaping to his feet and diving at a surprised Zim. Geno landed a powerful kick on Zim’s head, sending the Irken spiraling through the air and into a wall. Zim pulled himself out of the indent and pulled out a few Piggy Bombs and threw at the puppet, who nimbly dodged.
Zim and Geno continued their back and forth, one giving a powerful attack, the other countering or dodging. However, Geno soon began to tire, and he knew that he couldn’t outlast the hyperactive mercenary for much longer. Luckily for him, Geno wouldn’t need to fight for much longer, as help was about to arrive.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Yelled a gruff voice emanating from the doorway as the television was lifted into the air and thrown out of the building. The Star Spirits looked up to see a furious Masstar glaring down at them.
“Hey, we were watching that!”
“What did I tell you about that damned devil box?! Wait… there are only… where are…?” Masstar looked at the solemn faces of the Star Spirits and saw in the corner the corpses of Eldstar and Kalmar.
“…YOU! Intruder!”
Zim turned his head to face the new adversary who floated high in the air, slowly descending to face Zim eye-to-eye. The two stared deeply and angrily into the other’s eyes, the tension could be felt by all the Stars inside the room.
This went on for a minute, when Masstar made a move that no one – not even the Great Beings – saw coming.
Masstar bowed his head low, making a sweeping movement as he tried to resist vomiting from the mere thought of bowing to anyone.
“If you desire so greatly, you may have all of the Star and Ztar Spirits.”
The Stars and Geno were absolutely shocked by their leader.
“Masstar… What are you doing?! Please, reconsider!” Geno begged.
“Quiet, boy! As I said you may take all of the Star Spirits. That is, other than Neoztar and Movar.” Masstar motioned to the two Stars, and they floated to their leader’s side, with confusion and fear in their eyes.
“Excellent!” Zim grinned, rubbing his hands together.
“I WON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!” Geno shot towards Zim, but was stopped when Masstar body checked the Star Warrior, sending him to the floor.
“How DARE you go against my orders, you worm?! Remove yourself from my sight! I shall deal with you later…”
Geno stammered for a bit, completely unaware of whatever Masstar was thinking. Eventually, he hung his head low and sulked out of the room, turning once to send a remorseful glance to the doomed keepers of the night sky.
Zim had begun his move towards the Star Spirits, Tarot Cards in hand. From his shadow, a wicked and uncontrollable round of laughter could be heard quite clearly. The Star Spirits watched in horror as one by one, their numbers were depleted, unable to do anything but watch as their turn to join the others’ fate was slowly coming towards them.
Zappar had been sealed into a card, and the deed was done. Floating in the Null and Void Dimension were 8 Star and Ztar Spirits.
“Ahem,” Masstar cleared his throat and floated towards the Invader. “Now that you have the Spirits that I will allow you to have, I suggest that you le-“
“YOU DARE SPEAK TO ZIM IN SUCH A MANNER?!” Zim blurted, outraged.
“ZIM shall decide what he will take, and Zim shall take ALL of your precious Stars!”
“What?! You…!” Masstar was completely shocked. How could a Mercenary that was hired to attack him possibly betray him?! Really, who saw THAT coming?
Zim dived at the two remaining Ztar Spirits before anyone could react, and had Movar and Neoztar in Tarot Cards, completing Zim’s mission.
“VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIM!”
”You little rat! I’LL BLAST YOUR ASS BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!” Masstar roared as he raised the Star Rod in the air to use its psio-… hell, I’m calling it magic- magic to stop Zim, but only to have the Rod blasted out of his hand by Zim’s laser after a small fizz and a sound similar to blowing a raspberry was all that escaped the Star Rod.
Masstar gripped his injured… point as he watched the Rod slide to the opposite side of the room. Masstar made a dash for it, but was held to the ground by Zim’s Spider Legs. Struggling to break free in vain, Masstar opened his mouth to call for help, only to have Zim place a blank Tarot Card on his mouth, causing a slow suction, as the Star General began to slowly be dragged into the card.
“Let’s see you complain about your condition now, you pitiful, wretched, disgusting, horrible, filthy, miserable, Masstink! You have an army of 200,000 waiting for your command, and rather than call for help from them, you decide to barter with the enemy and hope that he will leave in peace? Let me tell you something, sad little dirt monkey, Zim is an unstoppable death machine! Attempts at peace are meaningless! I am the ultimate tool of might and destruction!” Zim shouted to the heavens, (which were actually below him, if you think about it) eyes closed and fists in the air.
Opening his eyes and turning back to Masstar, the spirit was about a quarter of the way in the Card. Zim grinned, and decided he’d rub in his victory even further.
”And I heard so much about you, such rave over how you were such a masterful tactician and your plans were perfect. Irken Smeets fresh from the Smeetery could organize a better plan than you have.”
Masstar was two-thirds inside the card now, and he could already feel his body become immobile.
“Tell me,” Zim whispered sinisterly into Masstar’s ear. “What is it like to experience such great failure, knowing that it was all brought about by your own poor planning and disregard for those that work under you? I’ve never experienced a failure, ’cuz I’m amazing, but I do enjoy watching the faces of those that are crushed beneath Zim’s mighty feet of doom!”
Masstar’s vision went white, as he found himself completely incapable of movement, but his mind was still intact.
’Hmph… another eternal imprisonment… fantastic… well, I’ve made it out of this kind of thing before, I suppose now I just need to wait… Guess I’ll do what I did last time… 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of Shroom Shake on the wall, 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of Shroom Shake! You take one down, pass it around, 999,999,999,999,99-ERK! WHAT’S?! HAPPENING?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Is… this… … … d … death?’
Zim stood and laughed over his triumph for the umpteenth time, as he ripped the Masstar card in half. Carelessly shoving one half in his pocket, he flicked the other half onto the ground. He strolled out of the room, whistling “If You’re Happy and You Know It”, as he walked to the nearest side of the barrier. Blasting the barrier with a few lasers, it flickered again and Zim dove through the opening.
Sadly, Zim overestimated his jump and he began to fall screaming, as he hurdled towards the ground.
“GIIIIIIR! CATCH ME! BRING THE VOOT AROUND AND CATCH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OMPH!” Zim slammed against the windshield of the VOOT Cruiser. As he opened one eye, he saw GIR sitting in the chair, legs crossed and his arms folded in his lap.
”HI!”
”Let me in, GIR…” Zim growled. GIR pressed a button on the console, and the windshield opened, causing Zim to ungracefully fall onto his robot companion.
“Mission success, GIR! We’ve completed our duty here. I’ve signaled the troops to turn back, we’re going home.”
GIR snickered, covering his mouth. “You said “doody.”
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Geno walked into the room where the Eradication of The Star Spirits had taken place. Scanning the room for any sign of Masstar or Zim, Geno spotted a shredded piece of paper on the floor. Picking it up, Geno sighed, holding back a tear, as he looked at the fate of his selfish leader.
”Masstar… This is your punishment for your evil ways and your selfishness…” Spying the Star Rod, Geno picked up the staff and held it to his chest. “Don’t worry, my Star Spirits. I shall restore your Army and redeem your good name. I swear it…”
Final Total Casualties and Loot:-
Star Spirits:-
Masstar
Eldstar
Kalmar
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
Loot:
Zim:-
Mamar Card
Muskular Card
Misstar Card
Klevar Card
Neoztar Card
Observar Card
Thinkar Card
Creatar Card
Destroyar Card
Movar Card
Zappar Card
It was a cold, quiet night in Star Haven, the norm for the home of the Star Spirits. Star Kids floated and played in the streets, soldiers practiced their forms, and Masstar watched over the entire floating island. Smirking, the General leaned back in his throne and closed his eyes. Such a beautiful place his home was, completely unscarred or defiled since Bowser’s invasion many years ago.
“Truly we are quite a force to fear; not even those Bean folk dare to attack us,” Masstar boasted to no one in particular. Due to his paranoia and distrust of others, feeling safe helped him to relax.
“The very thought of Star Haven coming under siege. Ridiculous! Only a complete moron would try such a bold feat!” Chuckling, Masstar’s heavy eyelids shut tight, and the ancient star snored softly as he dreamt of his next plan.
Unfortunately, Masstar was completely correct. The Beanbean Bandits had long yearned to attack the Star Spirits, however knew that their fortress would be nearly impossible to infiltrate. They had considered hiring a Mercenary to do the dirty work for them, but Mr. L’s prices were always too steep and he was never available. So, imagine their glee when the answer to their problems arrived in the form of a little green man.
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“Bleaaahaaahaaahaaa! This mission will be a simple feat, GIR. Especially one for the amazing ZIM!”
Yeah, a complete moron was going to attack.
Zim laughed obnoxiously, overconfident and over amused with the idea of bringing complete destruction to a whole new, unknown species.
“Alright, GIR, we’re here! We’re finally here!” Zim turned to his robotic sidekick, who was busy amusing himself by slamming a tin can on his head.
“Your job is easy, GIR. You just stay in the VOOT and don’t move unless I give you an order. Understand?”
“I’S GON’ FLAH!”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Zim opened the windshield of the new VOOT Cruiser and activated his Air Bubble. With a small jet extending from his PAK, Zim began to slowly float upwards towards the rear of Star Haven. A thin extension came out of the PAK, displaying a holographic image of Star Haven.
“Fools! Whatever they try shall never work against the brilliance of ZIM!”
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Kalmar was meditating in his quarters, when a disturbing image flashed across his mind. Zipping through the door, Kalmar headed for Masstar’s throne room. Upon arrival, Kalmar called out his leader’s name trying to wake him.
Masstar awoke with a start, babbling loudly and swinging the Star Rod around like a club. Kalmar floated and ducked underneath and around the powerful artifact and shook his frightened leader.
”Alright, wha-what’s going on?”
“Masstar, there is a small force of… bizarre creatures heading towards Star Haven, the likes of which I’ve never seen before!”
“Really? Like what?”
“There’s a hundred-foot hamster with Godzilla spikes.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, are they hostile?”
“They’ve been shouting things like ‘Capture the Star Spirits! Their powers won’t work on us, we can nullify them! Kill them all!’ the whole way up the path, so I’m going to make a guess and say yes.”
“Well, the barrier should hold long enough for the turrets to take care of them. However, in case they do manage to break in through some miracle, have the other Star Spirits moved to the Temple where they’ll be safe. It seems like a growing number of enemies are mastering the ability to nullify Artifacts, and I don’t like the idea of an army that can marching after our Captains.”
“Yes, Masstar,” Kalmar bowed and floated down to round up the other Star and Ztar Spirits and tell them the orders.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10,000 troops and one XXXXXL hamster marched up the spiraling bridge to Star Haven’s Main Gate. Things had been gone just as they predicted; the Star Spirits would keep their troops in reserve, waiting for them to wear themselves out trying to destroy the barrier as they came under fire from the Starlight Cannons. Most wouldn’t be too confident, knowing that they’d be easily defeated even if they could destroy the barrier, but Zim’s troops didn’t need confidence; they had orders from their commander, and that was all there was to it.
At long last they reached the end of the bridge and came face-to-face with the large barrier surrounding the base, and almost immediately the Starlight Cannons began to fire at the robots and genetic freaks. Death Bees, in response, began to swarm the turrets, flying in a constantly moving, swarming pattern to avoid as many casualties as possible, all the while with a happy “la-la-la” noise following them. The Starlight Cannon managed to tag a few of the yellow and black striped attackers, but as soon as the swarm of almost 1000 Death Bees reached the weapon, it was reduced to complete scrap in a fiery explosion. Pausing for a moment, the bees all turned around and began to fly indifferently back to the others.
Meanwhile, the other troops had split their focus, with most of the troops focusing on the barrier, while the rest aimed at the other Starlight Cannon nearby. SIRs and Mini Moose had done some damage, but hadn’t made enough progress. The robots and moose all began to back away from the turret, giving it a larger berth. A loud roar cut through the air as a massive beam of pure energy erupted from Ultra Peepi’s mouth, completely demolishing it.
With the full force of the remaining troops concentrating on weakening the barrier, the troops were making excellent progress on fulfilling their mission. After a few more minutes of uninterrupted attack on the barrier, the troops had achieved their goal. They didn’t destroy the barrier, they did, however, cause a quick flash where the barrier deactivated, if only for a second.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This small opening was all the time Zim needed, as he leaped within the borders of Star Haven, grinning deviously. Flattening himself against the back of a nearby building, Zim extended the holographic display of the base. A red dot labeled “You are Zim” was on the very edge of the base. Moving his finger around, scanning the map, Zim spotted a very small blue dot. Retracting the map, Zim checked around a corner and made a dash down the road, taking cover behind buildings and fountains to avoid detection.
“Sorry, stink worms! But you’ll have to wait a bit longer before your doom at the Zim hands of ZIM!”
Sadly, screaming was NOT a good way to avoid detection, and a small platoon of Compact Stars immediately took notice and began to give chase. Panicking, Zim ran towards the nearest building he saw and ran inside, slamming the door behind him. The Compact Stars cautiously followed the Invader into the building, which was rather poorly lit. The Stars slowly looked around the room, checking for any sign of movement or activity, but when the sound of rusty hinges groaning and the sound of a door latching shut filled the room, coupled with all light in the building being extinguished, they began to frantically dart their eyes across the room, trying to find the attacker.
In seconds, they were dead.
A few minutes later, behind a pillar of the Star Spirit’s hiding spot, the Temple, a shadow wriggled and shook as two antennae attached to a grinning green head rose from the floor.
“Now, you smelly dirt Stars! Prepare to meet your doom!”
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Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
The Plan to Eradicate the Star Spirits:- Part 2: The Losses Begin
The 13 Star and Ztar Spirits were floating nervously in the temple. They had been ordered by Masstar to stay in the Temple to protect them from the intruders who claimed to be able to neutralize their powers, but even so a battle on their own territory had the Stars uneasy. But there was something about the whole situation that just made the Spirits feel nervous, but they just couldn’t place their… points on it.
“It’s crazy!” Muskular shouted suddenly, breaking the tense silence. “We used to be all-powerful! People freakin’ PRAYED to us! Ever since the Bowser incident, we’ve been put on the shelf like trophies to be collected! Our powers aren’t even any good any more now that every Toad with a special rock can cancel out an entire set of ‘Artifacts!’ That’s what they’re calling us now! We’re not even people, just ancient trinkets to be waved around like freakin’ Catch Cards!”
Destroyar floated over to his opposite and patted his shoulder silently before floating back to his place.
“It’s true, as of late we DO seem to be treated more like objects than actual living creatures…” Mamar began, a little disappointed with admitting the truth.
“… But perhaps that fault lies with the other creatures who want us only for our powers,” Movar finished.
“That, and you’re all incredibly valuable.”
“Really? Well, I never thought about tha- WHAT?!”
The Stars all turned their heads to face a bizarre green creature standing poised as though he was preparing to pounce. Before any could react, Zim extended his four Spider Legs and shot them at the nearest Spirits, being Eldstar, Kalmar, Zappar, and Thinkar, pinning them against the wall as they struggled in vain to break free.
Grinning deviously, Zim turned his head to face the other Spirits, frozen and torn between what action they should take.
“Do not even TRY to try to do something, filthy floating pig smellies!” Zim called, eyeing each of the Spirits. “Right now these four are only pinned, however should any one of you try to oppose the mighty Zim, I’ll be sure to run through them like Star-kabobs.”
To emphasize his point, Zim began to slowly apply slight pressure on the trapped Stars, causing a small trickle of blood to run down their chests.
”However, since ZIM is not only powerful, but generous, I shall give you an offer: If you wish to save these four, four of you must stand before Zim and be trapped in these…” Zim held up a few blank Tarot Cards in his hand. “If you comply, I shall leave immediately and take my troops with me, you have Zim’s word!”
Zim gave his cheesiest smile possible, while behind his back he was crossing his black-gloved fingers.
“So… what will it be…? Surrender yourselves to the AWESOME MIGHT OF ZIM?! Or watch in helplessness as your pathetic allies are killed?”
All the Spirits in the room floated tentatively, unsure of what move to make at this point. Klevar began to close his eyes and breathe deeply, relaxing his body and mind and tapping into an ever-so-small amount of his Telepathic powers.
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Floating high above Star Haven, watching the troops slam against the barrier, Masstar watched with slight puzzlement.
”What are they doing…? It’s almost as if they’ve begun to slow their attacks… But why- What’s hunh?” Masstar’s thoughts were interrupted as he received a telepathic message from Klevar. For some reason, it had no content or message; however the tone of the thought wave seemed urgent, as if there was some great danger.
Knowing instinctively what to do, Masstar sent a message to Geno, who had been awaiting orders. Understanding his mission, the living puppet ran for the Temple where the endangered Spirits waited.
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“Enough of this!” Muskular blurted. “I’m not going to sit by and listen to threats! You’re going DOWN, Space Boy! Take this!” Muskular prepared to use his powers of Psychometabolism to attack Zim, but when he came to use the attack, he found himself completely unable to.
”Wha-? What is this?!”
”Heh heh ha ha ha ha HA HA AH! Fool! You have no idea of the POWER you’re dealing with! And now for your insubordination, you pay a price!”
With a horrible scream and the sound of bones and muscle tissue being ripped through, Kalmar fell to the floor, dead.
“NOW, I shall give you one last chance… FIVE of you shall give yourselves to ZIM, in exchange for the safe release of these three.”
“YOU MONSTER!” Eldstar roared.
“SILENCE!”
And with that, the wise and noble Eldstar followed the path of Kalmar, killed by the hands of the Irken Invader.
”NOW, I hope you understand the situation that you’re currently in. SIX of you shall surrender to me, and you may live.”
”Wha… What have you done to us?! Why is it that we’re unable to use our powers?!”
“That would be me, see?”
Zim’s shadow began to wriggle and rise as it took the shape of none other than Shadow Thief Popple.
”That’s right, in the flesh! In a manner of speakin’. I’m one of Popple’s Shadow Split clones, and to answer your question…” The Shadow Popple wiggled his bag mischievously. “I got two friends in here that are doing the job, see?”
The bag opened up, and two figures rose from the bag with an all-too-familiar “Eeeyah ha ha ha!”
”CACKLETTA!” The shocked Stars shouted.
”Of course, who else but the heathenish Beanbeans would stage such a plot?” Klevar thought out loud, scowling at the green team.
”Yes, and I do have to thank you for this victory, Ztar Spirits! If it were not for your Ztar Rod being fused to my heart and it’s little ability to cancel out Artifacts within a nearby area, this whole plan would have been a flop!”
The Ztar Spirits all gritted their teeth in frustration, but too worried of what another outburst could do to Zappar and Thinkar.
”Tell me…” The two Cackletta clones mused in eerie harmony. “How does it feel to know that your own tool will be the pivotal piece in your own undoing? Does it sting, worms? Eeeyah ha ha ha ha!”
The two Cacklettas returned to the Popple Clone’s bag and he in turn receded back into Zim’s shadow.
“Now, I hope you have a better idea of the situation you’re in right now. And if you’re still too hesitant to simply surrender then…” Zim motioned to the lifeless masses of Eldstar and Kalmar, their bright glow completely extinguished.
“So, seven of you shall come with Zim now, yes?”
“NO!”
“Who dares?!”
Zim turned in time to see a wooden puppet dressed in blue jump through the air and kick him in the face, sending the surprised Irken into an opposite wall and freeing Zappar and Thinkar.
“Quickly! Flee while you have the chance!” Geno called to the captives, as they quickly began to follow his command, heading for the exit of the room.
“WAIT!” Zim shouted as he leaped in front of the door, blocking the Star Spirits’ escape. “Don’t you want to watch some Earth Broadcasting before you go?” Zim inquired persuasively, setting down a 24-inch TV screen, which revealed a repeating image of a rather hideous monkey staring directly at the camera, growling occasionally.
”Wow!” “Look at that!” “I could watch this all day!” “He’s so angry!” “We need snacks!” Were among the mixed comments from the Spirits as they huddled around to watch the p’o’ed primate. Geno growled, watching the Star Spirits be so easily distracted by such a simple trick.
“That… HORRIBLE monkey! You’re not going to get away with this!” Geno charged at Zim who had at that time took out a small gun, and fired a few neon-green rays at Geno. The Star Warrior nimbly dodged, and jumped a distance away from Zim.
Geno dashed towards Zim who again fired his ray gun, this time only narrowly missing the wooden warrior. Taking the opening, Geno grabbed Zim by the collar and slammed him into a wall, holding him down as he began to apply more and more force, causing the indent in the wall to increase.
“How do you like it?” Geno taunted, his eyes burning into Zim. Zim weakly lifted his gun and pressed it against Geno’s chest, firing at point blank, before laughing maniacally.
Geno watched in shock as Zim broke out of his grip and slid around him with incredible speed, and then unleashed a barrage of punches that he couldn’t even keep track of. Doubling over in pain, Geno gripped his stomach, as Zim put his fists together and swung his hands down and up, connecting with Geno’s face and sending him into the air. Once he was airborne, Zim began to fire rapid-fire Leg Lasers at the puppet, tearing through his clothes and causing Geno to recoil and flinch with each beam.
‘This is insane! How is he able to move this quickly?’ Geno thought as he flew through the air. However, before he even landed, Zim was already in position to grab Geno by the head and throw him into the ground. Geno slowly opened his eyes and looked at his arms in front of them, and noticed a strange thing: His arms were glowing green. In fact, his entire body was.
‘That’s it! It’s not him, it’s me! That laser! It must have done something to effect the rate that I travel through time! Well, I can fix THAT!’
Geno slowly opened his wooden mouth as he began to emit a low, distorted sound which apparently was him talking… in slooooooow mooooootiooooon!
“EEEEEESSSSSSUUUUUUNNNNNN-“ But before Geno could finish his incantation to increase his speed, Zim quickly shoved a Piggy Bomb on his face and detonated it, causing the warrior to pass out. As he lay unconscious on the floor, his green glow faded. Zim extended his Spider Legs and towered over his defeated foe, boasting victoriously.
“I’ll be back to deal with you in a moment, sad little tree child. But first, I have more pressing matters that require my AMAZING attention…” Zim turned to the Star Spirits, still too distracted to notice anything going on around them. Zim pulled out a Tarot Card and quickly slammed Mamar into it, the others still unaware of their dire situation.
”Like picking Valaxtrian Ticks off the back of the Slow-Witted-GaSPLEEGaSPLORCH!” Zim boasted, slipping the card into the Shadow Clone’s bag. Inside the bag, one of the Cackletta clones transformed into Count Cleckletta and sent the Mamar Card into the Null and Void Dimension.
“Three down…”
”Ten to go! Eeeyah ha ha ha!”
Part 2 Casualties:-
Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
Eldstar
Kalmar
Loot:-
Zim:-
Mamar Card
Part 1 Casualties:-
Star Spirits:-
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
The Plan to Eradicate the Star Spirits:- Part 3: Success?!?
Masstar had been floating over Star Haven, pondering how he should handle the attack and what other means he should take to repel the intruder. Mulling over the best choice of action for a few moments, Masstar had what seemed like a perfect idea! Grinning, Masstar blasted off towards the Temple where the Star Spirits were held captive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zim eyed the Star Spirits in the room still huddled around, contemplating which he should capture next. “Now… Which one of you wants Zim to spare you from a slow and agonizing doom first?”
The Spirits were still completely unaware of anything going on around them, still completely mesmerized by the scowling monkey on the television screen.
Geno, laying on the floor, slowly stirred and looked up to see Zim slowly advancing towards Misstar. ‘I need… to protect… the Star Spirits… It’s my duty!’
”GET AWAY FROM THEM!” Geno shouted, leaping to his feet and diving at a surprised Zim. Geno landed a powerful kick on Zim’s head, sending the Irken spiraling through the air and into a wall. Zim pulled himself out of the indent and pulled out a few Piggy Bombs and threw at the puppet, who nimbly dodged.
Zim and Geno continued their back and forth, one giving a powerful attack, the other countering or dodging. However, Geno soon began to tire, and he knew that he couldn’t outlast the hyperactive mercenary for much longer. Luckily for him, Geno wouldn’t need to fight for much longer, as help was about to arrive.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Yelled a gruff voice emanating from the doorway as the television was lifted into the air and thrown out of the building. The Star Spirits looked up to see a furious Masstar glaring down at them.
“Hey, we were watching that!”
“What did I tell you about that damned devil box?! Wait… there are only… where are…?” Masstar looked at the solemn faces of the Star Spirits and saw in the corner the corpses of Eldstar and Kalmar.
“…YOU! Intruder!”
Zim turned his head to face the new adversary who floated high in the air, slowly descending to face Zim eye-to-eye. The two stared deeply and angrily into the other’s eyes, the tension could be felt by all the Stars inside the room.
This went on for a minute, when Masstar made a move that no one – not even the Great Beings – saw coming.
Masstar bowed his head low, making a sweeping movement as he tried to resist vomiting from the mere thought of bowing to anyone.
“If you desire so greatly, you may have all of the Star and Ztar Spirits.”
The Stars and Geno were absolutely shocked by their leader.
“Masstar… What are you doing?! Please, reconsider!” Geno begged.
“Quiet, boy! As I said you may take all of the Star Spirits. That is, other than Neoztar and Movar.” Masstar motioned to the two Stars, and they floated to their leader’s side, with confusion and fear in their eyes.
“Excellent!” Zim grinned, rubbing his hands together.
“I WON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!” Geno shot towards Zim, but was stopped when Masstar body checked the Star Warrior, sending him to the floor.
“How DARE you go against my orders, you worm?! Remove yourself from my sight! I shall deal with you later…”
Geno stammered for a bit, completely unaware of whatever Masstar was thinking. Eventually, he hung his head low and sulked out of the room, turning once to send a remorseful glance to the doomed keepers of the night sky.
Zim had begun his move towards the Star Spirits, Tarot Cards in hand. From his shadow, a wicked and uncontrollable round of laughter could be heard quite clearly. The Star Spirits watched in horror as one by one, their numbers were depleted, unable to do anything but watch as their turn to join the others’ fate was slowly coming towards them.
Zappar had been sealed into a card, and the deed was done. Floating in the Null and Void Dimension were 8 Star and Ztar Spirits.
“Ahem,” Masstar cleared his throat and floated towards the Invader. “Now that you have the Spirits that I will allow you to have, I suggest that you le-“
“YOU DARE SPEAK TO ZIM IN SUCH A MANNER?!” Zim blurted, outraged.
“ZIM shall decide what he will take, and Zim shall take ALL of your precious Stars!”
“What?! You…!” Masstar was completely shocked. How could a Mercenary that was hired to attack him possibly betray him?! Really, who saw THAT coming?
Zim dived at the two remaining Ztar Spirits before anyone could react, and had Movar and Neoztar in Tarot Cards, completing Zim’s mission.
“VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIM!”
”You little rat! I’LL BLAST YOUR ASS BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM!” Masstar roared as he raised the Star Rod in the air to use its psio-… hell, I’m calling it magic- magic to stop Zim, but only to have the Rod blasted out of his hand by Zim’s laser after a small fizz and a sound similar to blowing a raspberry was all that escaped the Star Rod.
Masstar gripped his injured… point as he watched the Rod slide to the opposite side of the room. Masstar made a dash for it, but was held to the ground by Zim’s Spider Legs. Struggling to break free in vain, Masstar opened his mouth to call for help, only to have Zim place a blank Tarot Card on his mouth, causing a slow suction, as the Star General began to slowly be dragged into the card.
“Let’s see you complain about your condition now, you pitiful, wretched, disgusting, horrible, filthy, miserable, Masstink! You have an army of 200,000 waiting for your command, and rather than call for help from them, you decide to barter with the enemy and hope that he will leave in peace? Let me tell you something, sad little dirt monkey, Zim is an unstoppable death machine! Attempts at peace are meaningless! I am the ultimate tool of might and destruction!” Zim shouted to the heavens, (which were actually below him, if you think about it) eyes closed and fists in the air.
Opening his eyes and turning back to Masstar, the spirit was about a quarter of the way in the Card. Zim grinned, and decided he’d rub in his victory even further.
”And I heard so much about you, such rave over how you were such a masterful tactician and your plans were perfect. Irken Smeets fresh from the Smeetery could organize a better plan than you have.”
Masstar was two-thirds inside the card now, and he could already feel his body become immobile.
“Tell me,” Zim whispered sinisterly into Masstar’s ear. “What is it like to experience such great failure, knowing that it was all brought about by your own poor planning and disregard for those that work under you? I’ve never experienced a failure, ’cuz I’m amazing, but I do enjoy watching the faces of those that are crushed beneath Zim’s mighty feet of doom!”
Masstar’s vision went white, as he found himself completely incapable of movement, but his mind was still intact.
’Hmph… another eternal imprisonment… fantastic… well, I’ve made it out of this kind of thing before, I suppose now I just need to wait… Guess I’ll do what I did last time… 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of Shroom Shake on the wall, 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 bottles of Shroom Shake! You take one down, pass it around, 999,999,999,999,99-ERK! WHAT’S?! HAPPENING?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Is… this… … … d … death?’
Zim stood and laughed over his triumph for the umpteenth time, as he ripped the Masstar card in half. Carelessly shoving one half in his pocket, he flicked the other half onto the ground. He strolled out of the room, whistling “If You’re Happy and You Know It”, as he walked to the nearest side of the barrier. Blasting the barrier with a few lasers, it flickered again and Zim dove through the opening.
Sadly, Zim overestimated his jump and he began to fall screaming, as he hurdled towards the ground.
“GIIIIIIR! CATCH ME! BRING THE VOOT AROUND AND CATCH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OMPH!” Zim slammed against the windshield of the VOOT Cruiser. As he opened one eye, he saw GIR sitting in the chair, legs crossed and his arms folded in his lap.
”HI!”
”Let me in, GIR…” Zim growled. GIR pressed a button on the console, and the windshield opened, causing Zim to ungracefully fall onto his robot companion.
“Mission success, GIR! We’ve completed our duty here. I’ve signaled the troops to turn back, we’re going home.”
GIR snickered, covering his mouth. “You said “doody.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geno walked into the room where the Eradication of The Star Spirits had taken place. Scanning the room for any sign of Masstar or Zim, Geno spotted a shredded piece of paper on the floor. Picking it up, Geno sighed, holding back a tear, as he looked at the fate of his selfish leader.
”Masstar… This is your punishment for your evil ways and your selfishness…” Spying the Star Rod, Geno picked up the staff and held it to his chest. “Don’t worry, my Star Spirits. I shall restore your Army and redeem your good name. I swear it…”
Final Total Casualties and Loot:-
Star Spirits:-
Masstar
Eldstar
Kalmar
8 Compact Stars
2 Starlight Cannons
Zim:-
20 Death Bees
30 SIRS
25 Mini Moose
Loot:
Zim:-
Mamar Card
Muskular Card
Misstar Card
Klevar Card
Neoztar Card
Observar Card
Thinkar Card
Creatar Card
Destroyar Card
Movar Card
Zappar Card